Step Into The Storm - A Day of Deep Healing.

A Date With The Rain

“It is important to realize that you are living inside one of your answered prayers while you wait for your next one. There is always a place for gratitude.”

This morning I was awakened by a little beam of light making its way through the curtains of my hotel window.

I was in the midst of a very lucid dream -

I was literally Cass in present moment shrunken and placed inside of my body within all of my cells and organs.

In this vision I saw many hallways which echoed the voices of all the moments my mom had told me I was unworthy of this life, the moments she called me names out of her own suffering, the moments she physically touched me and all the moments that broke my confidence for so many years.

In this dream state I was breathing through the blocks - the visual memories that were stored in the rooms of my body and I was whispering to myself “none of that is real anymore Cass, I love you, I love you, I love you, you are enough, you are enough, you are safe, you are safe now, it is time, it is your time now.”

I felt the heat of the rays penetrating my skin through the layers of sheets until I turned over to Magic greeting me with morning kisses.

I laid in bed for a few moments in an ‘in-between space’ as I held myself tightly loving myself back into the the now.

I opened my eyes, and for a moment I had forgotten where I was.

I had no idea this life was even real…

The only thing that was ‘real’ to me…

was healing.

I slowly got up from bed,

stretched,

opened the curtains and welcomed the warmth into our new day.

As I made my way into the bathroom to scrape my tongue, I peered deeply into my eyes and had this second of ‘where am I? Seriously, what is this?’

hahaha #THEHUMANEXPERIENCE

I brushed my teethe, drank a glass of water and began to make a cup of nettle and tulsi tea.

As I was waiting for the water to finish boiling I could feel how present I was.

I could feel my soul sitting within myself witnessing every little movement.

I was in the full blown character today of : The witnesser.

I had a deep knowing that this day was going to consist of deep integration, massive shifting and next level healing.

I got magic ready to go outside for our morning walk and as we entered into the elevator I had this feeling, something wasn’t right,

or, was it perfectly orchestrated?

Let me back up - I got into this hotel about 5 days ago and since I have been here there has been something ‘off’ about the elevators in general. They were extremely slow and the other day while I was in one I said to myself ‘it’s a little odd that this elevator has no number in it incase you get stuck and there is a sign that says ‘a copy of elevator inspection permit is located in the general managers office.’”

I kept getting very charged energy every time I stepped in.

Fast forward back to today -

Magic and I get into the elevator,

the doors close slowly,

we start going down,

I press ‘play’ on a voice recording that one of my girlfriends had just left me and….

I notice we are not moving.

I pick my head up to see that we are indeed stuck.

I could feel my heart start to race,

my breath start to get shallow,

my hands start to sweat,

I started to FEEL THE PRESENCE OF MY BODY.

I could start to FEEL my soul wanting to dissociate from the experience and I could FEEL ‘the witnesser’ pulling my soul back INTO the body.

I knew now that God was saying - stay present to the core lessons today.

“What is life trying to teach me? What is it doing for me? Not to me.”

What I started to witness deeper were all the physical symptoms my human body signals to my soul when I feel unsafe in life - which I have encountered many times before.

This moment was just a trigger to highlight these symptoms and become not only aware of them but present to them so I could show up for myself to reparent and reprogram.

I took a deep breath,

grounded my feet into the floor and stepped into self healer.

I said ‘Cass, nothing is unsafe in this now moment, here are the facts : you are in an elevator, you are in New York, you are stuck but you will get out, you are not going to die, you are not going to starve, magic is fine, you are fine. now come back to the moment and move from here.’

I took a deep breath and allowed my energy bodies to settle into the NOW.

At this point I pushed the call button, which later I found out only calls the front desk as a regular phone line - so if they are busy they will not pick up - which is exactly what happened.

Luckily I had reception on my phone where I called 911.

The fire department was dispatched.

At that time I hear someone yelling from the elevator shafts to stay calm and that they will get me out.

I sat in that elevator and made sure to console Magic and vocalize exactly what was happening to him so he would understand what the noises were and why we were not moving.

I believe it is very important to communicate fully in every area of my life - no matter who or what it is.

I know that’s what keeps us all safe.

A few minutes later the elevator doors opened on a random floor.

I walked over to the stair case and started to walk down with Magic. When I got down to the lobby I was present and in the same breath I was so beyond triggered by the entire experience.

At that moment the fire department arrived and I said to myself “this is a moment for me to create complete and utter clarity on what a situation like this has the potential to trigger in another human.”

When I approached the fire fighters and spoke my truth the captain was very taken back. I could tell that he had never had anyone consciously communicate the affects that something like that would play on the internal world.

By the end of this conversation every fire fighter looked at me like ‘who the fuck is this and I can’t believe she just explained it in this way.’

They were extremely kind, caring and receptive - why?

Because I was speaking through the channel of pure love, honesty, respect and radical truth.

After, magic and I continued on our walk.

At this point I had been feeling so much energetically in my body that every block we walked I heard God saying ‘create space.’

I kept thinking to myself ‘how much more space can I create? I traveled across the country with two suitcases, I didn’t bring any ‘stuff’, I have completely spaced myself from anything or anyone that no longer serves my next levels, I am taking care of myself in every way…. what ‘space?’’

I remembered that on my evening walk I had passed this beautiful little spot that does body work and I thought to myself in that moment ‘go get a massage Cass, create space by breathing into the body, breathe through what happened today and all the trauma that had been surfacing in your dream states."

In that exact moment of thought a truck passed by that said ‘Do more for you this year.’

I laughed and said ‘okay, that’s it.’

I walked back to the hotel, dropped magic off and started to walk to this massage.

On my way I was listening to this playlist I have been creating since I have been in New York - When I pressed play…it felt like this magnet just switched on.

Every store, restaurant, intersection I passed seemed as if every single person wanted to be near me, staring at me and was trying to engage with me.

I could feel this the second I landed in New York but this had become next level.

I knew I was opening more to the magic of healing.

I started to hear God whispering to me ‘This is it Cass, you are here to care for all of them, you have come here to bring them all into the now moment and the bigger vision you are just waking and opening up to through this, create space…create space.”

I got to the massage spot and the experience as a whole was beyond the definition of powerful.

First of all I want to point out that I don’t usually check into places to be ‘touched’ unless I know the Human and their intentions simply because I am extremely sensitive to energy in general.

Second off this place was very small and everyone was next to one another which was interesting for me because I really enjoy ‘space’.

Lastly, I don’t usually let men touch me unless I have created a very sacred bond with them.

So this to me was a very ‘new experience’ but I when I started to walk into the back room I had heard god say; ‘ this is a new level Cass, you have been training for years for this, you are the creator, you would never allow something scary or inappropriate to happen because now you understand the depth to how much you create this experience.’

I surrendered fully into that knowing and I said out loud before he entered ‘I LET GO, SHOW ME how and where to move this energy and I will work with the medicine. I TRUST’

Tony entered the room and that is where the magic began.

Not only did I call in literal hands of an Angel but Tony also asked me for consent before he even put his hands on me. This was so beautiful for my soul to feel because it allowed a now moment between his being and my body for my soul to be ready and feel safe.

As Tony started to massage me - he could hear me breathing with the motions of his hands - he knew that I was working with the medicine - I could literally feel us becoming one.

The entire time he was gauging his pressure on the depth of my breath - if there was a block I was working through he would feel it and hold pressure as I exhaled slowly through the energy in order to move it.

This is alchemy.

After the body massage was done - it was time for the foot massage.

This was after I got dressed and was taken out into the communal area where I was met with these huge comfy leather chairs.

I found such peace had come over my body - I sat in the chair - looked at Tony and he looked at me in a way I am having trouble finding the words - he just knew.

He knew my intention with being there and he knew he was helping me to heal some deeper levels of myself.

Tony was not only willing but at this point I could see he was wanting to be a channel for that.

I sat in the chair - he slowly lowered me back and looked into my eyes.

I put on my dreamy music, placed my right hand on my heart and left hand over and fell into this deep dream space of manifestation.

This time the dream wasn’t about my mother or trauma - this time this dream was the exact reason god had led me across the country to New York.

I saw the entirety of my life here taking form - I saw the studio I will purchasing to hold classes - I saw the people coming in flocks - I saw people waking up in masses, I saw the apartment i’ll be living in - I saw the partners and friends I will have - I saw magic and his buddies, I saw the happiness and the moments funneling through.

At one moment my eye slowly glazed open and Tony was staring at me… I knew in that moment God sent him to me to help move this energy and create space.

But, I noticed something else - everyone in the place was staring at me - I realized it was because I was giving myself the deepest form of PERMISSION.

I was FEELING - I was BREATHING, I was THERE and I was NOT hiding.

It was so powerful.

I saw one by one each soul witness the permission and than give it to themselves.

Eventually I felt a couple tears trickling down with how overwhelmed I had become by the experience because I realized even in that now moment that I was living into a dream that I had once said I would manifest….

it was here, in the now….

Unfolding right before my eyes.

Once the massage was over, I opened my eyes to find that it was pouring out - which was so symbolic of my internal world.

I stood at the door for a moment contemplating whether or not I should wait for it to stop.

A moment later…

I pushed the door open and chose to collide with the storm.

To become one with it.

As I walked through the streets I began to slowly raise my arms up and down -

I began to open them wide and hold up my palms to feel the rain on my finger tips-

at one moment I just stopped…

I tilted my head back to look up towards the sky and allowed the rain to dance on every morsel of my being -

it was a euphoric sense of freedom,

it was magic,

it was ecstasy,

it was BEING IN the now of healing.

I fell into such a peaceful space of pure and utter surrendering into each step of my path.

I knew I had been at this moment many times before in my life but each one always feels and looks different,

and this now moment I took in even deeper.

why?

Because, I have spent so many countless moments consciously creating and manifesting the reality I was currently residing in.

I realized I was literally stepping into my dreams in every single now moment.

it was…my own awakening within my dream.

I ended up back in front of my hotel - where the journey had all started.

I stood outside for a few moments to take in my inner voice, not my mothers.

And, I had this thought, which is why I wanted to share this blog post…

“Today, I consciously chose to allow myself to step into the storm within and without myself,

and it liberated me more than I could have ever imagined.”

I know as humans we are so programmed to fear the storms that we go through, whether that be the internal pain, trauma and suffering or the external of death, loss, abandonment and witnessing of the universal suffering.

Today, I offer up taking a moment to shift the perspective.

To become the witnesser of the storms and see them as your own personal euphoric moments of freedom.

Freedom to feel the entirety of this human experience.

Freedom to actually feel the process of healing.

Freedom to feel this world dance on the entirety of your being.

Freedom to understand and not understand this experience at all and be okay with that.

Freedom to learn more about you.

Freedom to feel into the beauty of life.

Freedom to play in the magic again.

Freedom to know you are safe within this whole thing.

Freedom to BE YOU. Authentically you and not apologize for it!

Freedom to be the LOVE within the FEAR

Freedom to be the rain within the storm.

Freedom to collide with the storm.

Freedom to finally collide with yourself.

Freedom to HEAL, from it all.

I walked into the hotel,

got back into the elevator,

safely made it to my floor,

stepped out and thanked God for this day.

I opened the door to see Magic waiting for me.

Today, was another day to be so grateful to be living into my dreams and trust that the only voice that mattered to listen to now was,

my own.

“What a Beautiful Day of Deep Healing.''