Sandcastles

When I was a little girl I had these sand castles that I loved.

Have you ever seen the ones that are permanently glued together? They come in all shapes and sizes.

I had about 10 of them...

And, at one point in my life when my parents had been going through a divorce we were abruptly forced out of our home and found ourselves living in a small apartment.

There was a room in this apartment that was ‘my designated room.’ But I mostly used it for my toys and to hide in the closet when I felt unsafe.

As a little girl I never slept alone.

I couldn’t.

I had such deep fear in my system of this human experience and the thought of being in this world alone....frightened me.

There was this one memory that always comes to me. I would have these moments during ‘play time’ where I would take all those sand castles and place them in a circle around me - like a protective bubble.

And, I would sit in the middle, in this meditative position ( of course I didn’t know then I was meditating ) and I would use my imagination. I would just sit for hours dreaming of these magical, colorful and safe worlds, where I loved being alone.

I was surrounded by these majestic animals of all shapes and sizes and I would be running around these worlds that were so open, so colorful & bright , so full of mystery and so abundantly full of love.

The other day I was deeply in meditation and I transformed back into that little girl.

It was one of the most profound moments of my life.

I morphed so deeply back into her and I saw me now as a woman bend down in that circle and whisper to little me: ‘you are safe Cass, you will remember.’

When I opened my eyes the other day...

I did remember.

I am living that Fairytale Now.