Relationships “It’s My Choice, Now.” Mercury Retrograde / Eclipse / New Moon 2021

“Those that appreciate the fire within you will feel your warmth, and those that don’t will feel your burn.” - ekp

Today - I spent most of the day with my hand held tightly onto my heart - breathing deeply into my belly, lungs, chest and exhaling into each step I took through a magical forest I found in deep reflection on something specific in my life.

A couple of years ago, someone I love beyond comprehension - someone that this life has no words or meaning for - walked out of my story - and I, out of theirs. 

It was one of the toughest humans I’ve ever had to let go of. 

It has been over two years since we spoke - seen each other - not even a picture - all of it.

And, this wasn’t just someone to me - this was someone who was everything to me.

The other day as I drove out of California I could hear their voice, I could feel their hand on mine, I could actually feel the weight of them in my heart. 

I spent time crying, releasing, feeling into the distance as I drove further and further away. 

It was a very intense experience and also such a beautiful human moment. 

After I allowed that space - I started to visualize this new life I’ve spent years of energy creating and also seeing the birth of the life I am currently walking into.

My heart surrendered as I heard god say ‘it’s okay to really let go, they will be okay.’

That day I drove 15 hours - I saw them in my mind throughout many moments of those hours.

That evening - I pulled into my airbnb - unpacked the car, fed magic, got us ready and settled for bed and as I reached for the phone to shut it off...

There they were.

Calling me. ☎️ 

....Over two years later.

The day I drive out of California and said goodbye to my old story....

 *poof* The Main Character from my old story appears. 📖 

Retrograde /Eclipse ** like clockwork ** ⏰ 

Did I manifest this? YES.

I didn’t pick up.

I took a deep breath.

I sat up.

I put my feet on the floor.

I grounded myself and said;

‘I am not the same character they once knew - I am not the same character I once knew. This is not the same story as I once created. I CAN decide to write a new story in this NOW moment : one filled with deep love, compassion and gentleness for this person and most importantly, myself. I do have a new choice and this is a new opportunity to write a new story.’

I took another deep breath. 

I closed my eyes.

And, I pressed - Dial.

I am not going to go into detail about the conversation out of respect for them but what I will say is this:

THIS is my why as to how I know I manifested this opportunity at this point in my life…

It was the deepest reflection that only I have the power of choice in every moment to choose a new character and create an entirely new story for MYSELF. 

🔑 NOT for them.

I witnessed in this conversation just how much I have always just wanted them to be as vulnerable with me as I was and am with them.

I was not met, I was not received, I was not seen, I was not heard, I was not acknowledged and I was not appreciated or loved properly. Again. ✅ 

It was a complete reflection to me in the NOW of what I can no longer and will no longer accept in the story I am currently creating.

But, here is the other thing -  

As easy as it may be for me to write that out right now... my truth is - it hurts.

It hurts so much to see the contrast of what I once settled for and allowed in my experience - not just from them but from friends, family members, strangers, everyone and to see where I am now and how radically I honor every aspect of my life and self, NOW.

Those years apart I dove so deeply into self healing and vowed to myself to reprogram the things in that relationship and my life that didn’t feel good or serve me.

The ways I played a role in our relationship and the ways I allowed their role in my story. 

and, I did it.

This call fucking shattered my heart though.

Why? 

Not because they called.

Because, I learned throughout the time apart that my job here is to keep my heart open no matter what.

Why? Because that’s who I am.

I am love. 

I am to be love no matter what.

Whether I am received or not.

Because, I know that it is not about the other person

it’s about me.

Just as their story is about them. 

And, in that choice of keeping my heart open also comes the choice of me walking away from what I feel like is not receiving my openness or my love.

For much of my life I settled because I was not taught healthy love. 

NOW that I know what healthy love is - I will never settle for anything less.

But, I will always show up with an open heart, compassion and presence for everyone with the radical power in knowing I have the choice to walk away -

But, I will never ever close my heart again. 

Ever.

That’s my choice now. 

______________________________

I just want to reflect that it has been two years since this human and I have spoken and many retrogrades have passed - it was only until this one that this ‘program / lesson / mirror’ came around for me to honor myself completely. This is a true reflection that all things happen at the perfect timing.

So, if you are reading this, please trust in the process of your life.

It is all unfolding exactly as it is supposed to.

Along the way just keep taking care of yourself, loving yourself and honoring YOU.

We are ready when we are ready and the universe knows when.

Trust the timing of your life.

TRUST THIS SIGN.

I love you,

Cass

“I wish I knew that needing to be needed meant I was looking for a way to feel in control of my relationships. If my partner needed me, maybe they’d never leave me.

Today, I allow others to love me or leave me without resistance, because I have learned to become the love

I always needed.”

Lisa A Ramano

Eclipse Message:

Peoples true colors are showing. Don’t try and change what you see or make excuses. Accept what is being shown. the truth is surfacing. This is a time of making decisions, what behaviors can be forgiven and who needs to be released.