Into Tonight’s Sky

Tonight, I stepped one foot after the other into the bath

My body filled with goosebumps 

I felt, myself.

I slowly lowered into the water - toes, ankles, calves, shins, knees, thighs, hips, pelvis, tummy....until I was tucked into fully into this bath.

I surrendered - I allowed it hold me. 

At one moment I picked my right foot up - placed my big toe into the spout to feel the water dance between the crevices of these human things that keep me grounded in this world. 

I took deep breaths.

I granted myself permission to be so present to the feeling of the water as it kept whispering to me.

‘Cass, I’ve got you - let go.’ 

I could feel my body releasing - all the places I held a silenced voice , a hidden emotion, a programmed fear, a frozen trauma, a puzzled abuse, a rooted pain - from years of being caged and fighting to break free.

I slowly stood up.

Reached out my right hand,

took a deep breath as I grabbed my towel and gently stepped out of the bath.

I started to massage every piece of my body saying,

‘I love you, I love you, Thank you, thank you.’ 

I wiped the steam off the mirror to witness mySELF looking back at me.

I saw, myself. 

I started to repeat ‘ I love you Cass, you are so beautiful, you are so enough, you are so magical, you are so powerful, you are so safe, you are so worthy, you are love and that will always be enough Cass.’

Before I left the mirror I smiled in the way I do to every other soul I have come in contact with…

A way of confirmation, of truth, of pure unconditional love. 

I walked out of the bathroom,

Got magic ready for bed,

Put on my pjs,

And found myself sitting at my computer working for hours.

I came out of my creative vortex around 2am and

The silence was incredible.

Not a cricket.

Not a breath.

Not a honk.

Not a voice.

Not a siren.

Pure and utter silence.

I slowly stood up from my chair,

My back a bit stiff,

My eyes slightly dry.

I reached my arms out to the side, up towards the sky and down to the floor.

I started breathing into all the spaces within me whispering ‘flow, it’s okay - you are safe, let go.’

I felt, mySELF…even more.

I rose back up, centered myself on the floor and peered over to the front door. 

I quietly started to tiptoe over.

I placed my left hand on the door handle and lightly pressed down.

The door creaked.

Magic opened one eye and looked at me.

I said, ‘ Hi handsome - do you want to come with me? ’

He looked at me and said, ‘ Where mom? ’ 

I said,  ‘ Home.’ 

Magic met me at the door

I looked down at him, 

I saw unconditional love,

I saw play,

I saw peace,

I saw MAGIC,

…I saw myself.

I opened the door a little more until the dry warm air of the dessert seeped in. 

A chill ran from the tip of my baby toe up the entirety of my spine.

I finally felt the entirety of myself.

I am Home.

We both turned around and walked outside together,

Into tonight’s sky. 🌌 

I Love You Forever & Always,

Cass & Magic